I started thinking last week about the fears that hold executives back from performing with all their moxie when giving a presentation– showing up with 100% in the moment, fully present, and ready to go.
Or, since we love exaggeration in the business and self-help world, and especially here in America, what prevents executives from giving their 110% all the time?
So my challenge to you is the following (multi-part) question. What is holding you back, in that moment that you take the stage and you’re ready to go, from giving it your all? What induces you to make your performance more like a rehearsal? What is the mental block that is keeping you from doing your absolute best?
There are always reasons in the moment – you’re not feeling well, the negotiations with your host didn’t go perfectly, it’s not your favorite topic, it’s not your favorite audience, you’re following President Clinton, you’ve got family/business/money/emotional issues – there’s always a reason not to be operating at 100%.
But what’s the real reason? Those in-the-moment challenges are just excuses for your mind being divided and not fully cranking. What is really holding you back?
I usually see one of the following reasons underlying the excuses, the delusions, the snares, and the pitfalls that get in the way of peak performance for the executives I coach.
Defensiveness. By the time we’re adults, we’ve accumulated some scar tissue around the places where we’re vulnerable, we’re weak, or we’ve been repeatedly kicked. It’s inevitable, unless you started out at perfection and moved up from there. If you respond in an outsized way to comments in passing, or casually meant, then there’s a good chance you’ve got some defensiveness on the subject.
What to do about it. Find out what pushes your buttons, and take good care on the day of your talk not to let those buttons get pushed. If they do, then cut off that communication immediately. Repair the damage by focusing on something positive with energy and attention until the moment has past.
Feelings of Inferiority. Many successful people suffer from the Imposter Syndrome, where they think that they alone are frauds and about to be found out, whereas everyone around them is the real deal. And there are other, simpler forms of feelings of inferiority that often have to do with some comparison begun in childhood. I’m not as good at X as my sister is, or, I’m not the articulate one in my family, or I’m always slower to catch on than my older brother.
Both my brother and I growing up were musical. My brother turned out to be prodigiously talented as a musician – he’s been a performer on at least two instruments, he’s played jazz guitar with some of the best musicians in the world, and he composes sophisticated classical compositions that few people in the world can understand. Me? I play a little guitar and piano, and I can sing well enough to have performed professionally. But I’ve always held back because I compared myself to him early on and developed a vicious case of stage fright.
What to do about it. Don’t compare. Don’t compare. Don’t compare. Do be realistic. You have to follow your own path. If this were easy, well, I’d have done it long ago. But it’s important. To develop your own personal voice, you have to get this work done.
Fear of Emotion. It’s easier to focus on process, mechanics, and things rather than the messy human emotions that can govern any interpersonal work. Many people in business mistakenly believe that the workplace should be a logical realm, devoid of emotion and focused on tasks exclusively. If only everyone were like Mr. Spock of Star Trek, these executives believe, how much easier work life would be!
In order to be a successful communicator, let alone a public speaker, you have to have at least some facility with emotions. Especially in this authentic age, ability to talk about your emotions and be comfortable with others expressing theirs is essential.
What do about it. Learn to listen and keep yourself from judging, reacting, or trying to solve the problem. I know, it’s not easy. (It has taken me years to get over the tendency to jump into solution mode.) But emotions don’t actually hurt you if you learn just to observe, and acknowledge them.
Finding your voice, showing up with all you’ve got, and focusing completely on the moment, the audience in front of you, and the passion you feel for your message – that’s hard work. But it’s essential in order to succeed as a speaker, thought leader, or indeed an executive of any kind.
Hi Nick
Great post. An issue of me as a speaker is vulnerability. At a deep personal level, a great fear I had and see in others is that, showing emotion will be seen as weakness. To be vulnerable = weakness. Weakness in the corporate world = death.
As you state, we build our defenses, I will not let you in nor will I come out. We create feelings of inferiority or deluded feelings of superiority. And park your emotions outside.
Your previous post about why you became a coach, was a very vulnerable insight to share. I think you would agree, the response you got from people was one of deep respect.
Brene Brown shares great insights into the power of vulnerability, the home of creativity and courage.
For me, only when you can embrace and share your vulnerability, to wear it as a badge of honor, can you truly show up.
Thank you as always.
John Keating
Thanks, John — agree about Brene Brown and wearing vulnerability with pride — nice point!
I laughed at the inferiority complex point. A couple of weeks ago, I was the 4th of 5 speakers during an amazing conference. The 5th speaker was an astronaut and former commander of the international space station. Having a brief moment of “what am I doing here?!” I recovered by reminding myself that rockets obey the laws of physics while the humans I work with as a team effectiveness advisor seem to obey no logical rules at all. That helped me realize that my terrestrial work is challenging and worthy. (And for many in the audience, much more applicable to their everyday lives.) After a 2 minute existential crisis, I was ready to take the stage.
Liane, impressive use of reasoning to overcome what could have been paralyzing fear! Thanks, as always, for the great insights. If you don’t know Liane’s blog, you should check it out — it’s one of the few that I look forward to every week.