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Friendship can be one of the saving graces in the lives of many women today. Women who are in stressful jobs, unhappy marriages, toxic dating relationships and troubling parenting roles are looking for an anchor in their friends. Unfortunately some of these friendships that are meant to be a support are greatly missing the mark. Too many women are backstabbing one another, giving harmful advice or encouraging one another to do things that are not helpful.

Below are a few rules of engagement for healthy, supportive friendships. When women have strong, healthy friendships they can be life-saving. These rules will help create the strongest networks with the most positive influence.

1. Be honest. Too many women blindly back their friend’s behaviors even when the behaviors are off. Blindly backing one another is not helpful. If your friend was off in an argument with her child, partner or friend don’t just agree with her that the other person was a jerk. Relationally tell her what you think. Also, don’t lie to your friend about how she looks, why you can’t go out with her or anything else. Lying breaks trust. Say the hard thing relationally and don't cover it up.
2. Encourage her to find happiness within herself not through someone else. Women are trying to prove they’re worth through the attractions of men. Don't push your friends to "find a man" in order to feel happy. When you need a man to make you happy you will meet the wrong kind of man who is likely to make you miserable. Be each other’s support rather than pushing each other to desperately find someone to complete them.
3. Do not talk poorly behind a friend’s back. If you have a problem with a friend speak to them directly. If you are angry, hurt, concerned, annoyed or (fill in the blank), go directly to the source. Nothing can be solved if you’re talking to the wrong person. Take the high road and refuse to speak behind their back.

Friendships can be one of the most significant relationships in your life. They have the power to influence you like no other relationship can. Be sure that you surround yourself with people whose influence will be for the better not worse. Hold yourself to that same expectation.

Challenge

For the next 3 weeks pay attention to how you follow the three rules above. Are you honest – even when it's difficult? Do you encourage your friend's successes or try to hold her down? Do you talk behind your friend's back when you're angry or do you go directly to the source and discuss your upset? Choose one tip from above that you need to work on and be diligent about doing so. Notice any shifts you see as a result.

See comments.

More posts by Lisa Merlo-Booth

• How to Talk To Your Spouse About Wanting To Start Your Own Business
• Is It Okay To Stand Up to Your Boss?
• All The Ways We Duck… And What It Costs Us

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