Tis the season to be wary — of commencement speeches.  We're almost through the danger period for another year, but it doesn't pay to relax your guard too early.

I had to write a dozen (that's 12) commencement speeches — on different topics — over 2 summers for the Governor of Virginia when I started my career as a speechwriter 20 years ago.  That experience left me wary of the genre and easily spooked by the thought of hearing another one delivered. 

It almost goes without saying that the majority of commencement speeches are terrible — vacuous, platitudinous, and ponderous.  And too long. 

I heard a contemporary example recently at Columbia University.  It was a proud day for me; my daughter was getting a degree.  Like so many others in the audience, I was thrilled to be there, and disposed to be charitable to all and sundry.  In fact, there was a great vibe in the crowd — lots of joshing of neighbors and jolly comments about the day, the giant TV screens we were watching (because the crowd was so vast) and how proud we all were.

Then the President of Columbia stood up to speak.  It's always a danger sign when the head of an organization gives his/her own speech.  Ego, arrogance, stinginess — I found myself wondering — which was it gonna be?  Those are the only 3 reasons not to hire someone from the outside. 

I don't know about the stinginess, but ego and arrogance were certainly on display as the President droned on for far too long about far too little.  This was the guy who had brought the President of Iran to campus only to browbeat him like a naughty student in a public exchange, leading many to question his political savvy and his general acumen.  I mean, why bother if you're just going to insult the guy?  You can do that from a distance and save the air fare. 

I guess that's why the Prez went on so long about freedom of speech.  But it wasn't convincing, the prose was pompous and in love with itself, and the speech was only too typical of the sickly genre.

Contrast that one with the one J. K. Rowling delivered to the Harvard graduation.  (I didn't attend, just read it on line.)  I don't know how it sounded, but it read beautifully.  It was a moving tribute to Amnesty International and the power of the human imagination.  Timely, important, and worthy of her enormous talent.  I hope she got a standing ovation.  The good commencement speeches are rare, and deserve accolades.

So if you're going to give a commencement speech, please remember three things.  One, keep it short.  Twenty-two minutes is the absolute top, since that's the average attention span of an adult who doesn't have ADD.  Twelve minutes is better.  Two, make it about something you care about.  You're there on the dais because of who you are.  Speak from your passion.  And three, don't give advice.  Ever.  That's taking advantage of a captive audience and (usually) a beautiful day.